Always drifting, always searching...

It’s true what they say, all good things have to come to an end. It’s nearing the end of university and I’m feeling quite sentimental. Although I have been corrupted and had my fare share of drama during these 4.5 years of university, the knowledge, experience and people have made my combined law degree priceless. I hate to admit it, but I will miss the feeling of accomplishing a 5k essay, I will miss the 1 hour drive to and from class, I will miss the chance to go out with friends after class, and I will especially miss the age of innocence (or what’s left of it). This period of transition can be exciting and daunting at the same time. I don’t know who I will be saying goodbye to forever, nor will I understand the responsibility that lies ahead. But that’s another story. At the moment, I just want to look back on it and find comfort on a rainy day.

Yesterday was black friday, and just as the name suggests, it wasn’t so great. Although the whole day was full of disappointments, I got to see the most beautiful, yet illegal artworks. This is an abandoned Dunlop factory in Alexandria Sydney. Not a very attractive place, more of an eyesore. No one would do a double take.  If it wasn’t for my friend’s epic idea my eyes would never have had the opportunity to feast on this colourful eye-candy. I love the contrast of art and derelict, it reminds me that beautiful things can come from beneath the rubbles. It was well worth the climb through a window, so sue me.

I’ve recently experienced some hurtful accusations. Despite knowing that opinions are not facts, it’s difficult not to let them affect you. It seems like these “friends” can do a 360 turn on you by spreading rumors or passing judgment. They go through some sort of external validation process where opinions eventually become facts, after a while even I start second guessing myself. The older I become, the more people I encounter, the more alone I feel. Counter intuitive right? Even I don’t understand what this means. It seems that the only way to prevent this is to tread carefully in life, or be anti-social. But what if I’m not comfortable with either. What if I just want to find the right people? I guess I’ll just have to be ready, friend or foe.

     How it all started. “And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.” Haruki Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart) Life’s keeping me on my toes. Racing through everyday without any memories. It’s time to release my emotions and thoughts from the abstract and reflect on the life that has passed and the future that is yet to come.  We met, we soared, we crashed, we burned, we drifted apart, but we will never stop searching. Friendships, relationship and even families will eventually have to say goodbye, the only stationary orbit is where our choices take us. Am I lonely? Yes. It’s inevitable, humans come into this world alone, and will leave this world in solitude. Am I happy? Yes. The journey, with its pain, anger and love proves that I am living. 

    

How it all started.

“And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.”

Haruki Murakami (Sputnik Sweetheart)

Life’s keeping me on my toes. Racing through everyday without any memories. It’s time to release my emotions and thoughts from the abstract and reflect on the life that has passed and the future that is yet to come. 

We met, we soared, we crashed, we burned, we drifted apart, but we will never stop searching. Friendships, relationship and even families will eventually have to say goodbye, the only stationary orbit is where our choices take us. Am I lonely? Yes. It’s inevitable, humans come into this world alone, and will leave this world in solitude. Am I happy? Yes. The journey, with its pain, anger and love proves that I am living.